Anxiety

There's so much going on in the world, i can't keep up. I can't keep up with my own life cycle anymore, my emotions are going crazy, and i feel everything. When people ask me, how aspergers feel, i tell them it feels different for everyone. For me, it feels like i feel everything. Every touch is hightend, every voice is louder, every sight is more consuming, every person is more, every single emotion, is a take-over of my body, a hand grabbing me, taking me up in the air, shaking me, till i pass out. I feel everything. I feel my heart sometimes, so much it hurts. I feel touches that hurt my skin, eyes that burn my sight, anixiety that makes me throw up, pain that makes me want to die, joy like i could give love to everyone. But mostly, all the time, i feel overwhelmed. Everything is too much. Everyone is too much, and i can't keep up. Every step i take, is a huge one, even if it's the smallest. Every breath i take, is my body telling me to go on, even though i sometimes don't want to. Sometimes when i close my eyes, i feel all these different feelings. I get so overwhelmed so easily. My body is constanly working overtime, my mind is constantly figuring out why this, why that, how to make me feel the worst.

I've always had a hard time doing things, that i didn't use to do. Maybe everyone feel that way. But i remember starting to school, crying the first four days, because i didn't know anyone. Not knowing, having missing pieces in the puzzle, is what i fear the most. I am so afraid of the unknown. Not knowing how things will go, because if i don't know it, it'll probably not work out. It's so fucked up, how one human body can contain so many fucking feelings. I don't get it.

Can you relate?

Love,

Caché / Me